All I want is for people to believe in me and dont assume that Im just bumping around. So, start from the end, my sister was marrying an unemployed person, who was unable to bring money on a reguler basis. He plans on being a full time student, but I on the other hand would be part-time student and work part-time or full-time. Hes trying and applying to anything that could work. This is my first time really in an adult relationship but it doesnt feel like it and Im just really exhausted. I dont know whether thats ever going to happen. But currently I am going through a stressful time at my job plus having to pay all bills, clean the house, wash clothes, make dinner, do homework for my Bachelors degree, make sure the kids do their homework, and get the kids up for school everyday. Thank goodness! So I struggled on. now almost 53, extremelely depressed, and unsocially unaccepted. I cant muster up the stregnth to make her feel better when all I want is to yell at her to get up by herself! My question to all the peoplesmens and womens that is job and money is the only thing? I dont lie but he does and its so so hard to be a believer in situations like this when it seems its For worse, poorer, and sickness. I have felt gaslighted, future-faked, scapegoated, manipulated and financially abused. It can be fairly frustrating both for the person and the people around them. 47% of wives were primary income earners compared to 53% of husbands. I am beginning to regret marrying him and I dont know how long more I can put up with this.but I guess we dont have a choice but to just march on and hope for the best, (not in a bad way)but I am so happy to know I am not the only one.i feel so alone and so hurt and cry most of the time.when I met him we both were not working but was financially well off till reality hit with having our first child and I got my ass to work.Everyday Monday to Sunday just enough to buy nappies and 4 years into this he lays around at home watching tv and doing nothing.ill come home and he would want neer or when the lights are out he calls me to sort it out.he helps around with our son but honestly I feel like Im sucking into this deep depression having to take and the household.my family doesnt know as many occasions they warned me even his own mother wants me to leave him and Ive considered it so many times.just what will happen to my son as I work even nights to stay afloat at home.who will take care of himreally sad and lonely as I am writing this,his busy sleeping til I have to head to work.
My Husband/Wife Refuses To Work - What Should I Do? - A Conscious Rethink Since then he blew thru $30,000 in his savings, has had infrequent freelance work, has done several projects for free(cause that will lead him to work) and my father financed $6000 for an invention that never took off /sold. He wont look elsewhere because he believes he will hear something back on Monday. I work approx 60-70hrs a week regularly. So it was not easy for him to get job. Idk but I cant deal anymore. so sorry you went through that hell. So now he had been back since then, we arent even really in a relationship anymore, it feels more like room mates, who share a bed, (rarely sex). Maybe because getting a job requires a fulltime commitment not just working on it when you feel like it or how you feel like it. unemployed husband won't do housework. Its the laying in bed all day. We moved into a bigger house as the kids needed bedrooms of their own. I am now in debt and had to take on a second job totalling 70hrs some weeks not including long travelling time to work. But they messed him around. He has not had even 1 interview in the last 2 yrs at least and because I know not one person who has been unable to attain a job or at the very least an interview in that time period I am wondering now if I am being taken for a ride. I can tell a long story of my life with him and everything we been through but it would be a book. This means either I cook or we have to buy takeout. We have 2 amazing children aged 9 and 5. If you have a caretaker personality, you may need to watch a propensity to give your life partner consent to remain stuck in self-indulgence and inaction. Wow, what a godsend this website is. Now? When i met my wife when she was my girlfriend, i was working. Your partner not only completely disregards your very clear expressions of needing help, but he is gaslighting you. I am starting to get depressed and angry towards him because he talks about school and goes to his friends or hangs out with them. Ps my partner is also a drinker and has a problem. See what happens if you dont address everything, even if the thought alone fills you with immense dread (including visions of D test grades for the kids or your home looking like an episode of Hoarders). They arent able to find decent paying permanent jobs with decent benefits, they cant afford to go back to school to earn a degree or certification and they often arent in positions to go into business for themselves. ButIm exhausted.
The Ultimate Guide To Learning To Share Housework Equally - mindbodygreen Dont be afraid to take matters into your own hands. No. My partner is really supportive but I know that hes pressured too because his mom always talks about money and about how hard it is for me to get a job because I did not finish bachelors. This is known as specializing, explains Ogolsky. Some weeks he makes $80 and that goes right back into the gas tank. It never endedthus the saying, a man works from sun to sun, a womans work is never done. If your man,or husband has not taken on these things while unemployed and you are employed, then he is milking the freedom he is experiencing, and at YOUR expense. I dont know what else to do. His father was much the same way and I know how unhappy and financially destitute his parents are. Sometimes its too muchI cannot deal with this. After only a year and a half of being together, this man is not going to bring you any happiness. I have been with my fianc for 5 years and we got engaged last December. Im in the same boat. A month after this post, he got a job. Ive tried tough love. There will never be statues made in our likenesses, nor will there ever be a Remembrance Day for the daily wars we fight but know this: you men will never take from us our most important resource the ability to get up one more fcling time than you knock us down. It is a bit similar as those women abused by their partner and still put up for long term until it reaches the break point of their personal suffering. Hes mad cuz we havent jumped the broom to marriage yet. I feel I dont have the right to complain because of this but it does bother me. Im the one that list the job due to seizures. La. I have just read all these comments and cried. I would vent about my situation but, I guess that makes me misogynistic? And you are laser focused on one little man with an attitude problem. HELP! No shit, Dad, I want to say. I go to work as much as i can but i have a medical issue that arrises once a yearvso my hours while this happens isnt full time. He always has an excuse or gets angry and turns things on me to make me feel like Im the problem. Can we talk about divvying up some of the stuff on my plate?. Its the first time I started to wonder if hes unable to stay employed. Make a clear, specific request about exactly what you want or need. Im sorry. My (25f) husband (24f) doesn't do anything at home. Respect, responsibility and appreciation. Have confidence.". It I made enough to support us all and have money for savings and extras I would be just fine with him doing his thing. I care about him, I dont want him to suffer, how do I handle this? Too many of them require money, which clearly we dont have. Its really hard with what happened to your family. No apologies: hes driving a Kia Optima that he pays for with his unemployment. It also seems like a no-brainer that your husband should pick up more chores around the house now that he has extra time. We live like Lodgers! PLEASE do NOT go back to him, until hes stable at least 6 months in a new full-time decent job. I see it in his eyes how crazy he is about me but Im having second thoughts. Every single day we fight battles that no man could ever win. Hes had a few months here n there of part time employment but has not been able to contribute equally to his half of the bills and rent for all this time. I had to bail him out of his debts a year ago. About 4 years ago she tried to enter another field which required money for school. Very easy when youve never ever been there. This seems so unfair at times yet, all I can do is hold on to faith. Imagine being with a partner who has been self-employed for close to 20 years and now either because of wanting to supplement their income or because their business is failing they need to return to the general workforce. Dear all: If only I found this site 18 years ago. When I do, he asks me if I NEED monies? I called the police. I feel ya. At the end of the day, if any of us want to be adults, then we need to stop bitching about life and do what needs to be done. I call BS. The "My Husband Won't Do Half the Housework" Fallacy. When new things come up (for example, we need a new microwave), it helps to determine who is going to own it from the get-go (I took care of it, because my husband had recently dealt with our broken air conditioner). I do laundry, cook, clean, watch the kid and our dog. I have been with my husband for nine years. Seek marriage counseling if you are struggling with sharing household responsibilities. I have been crying for days. I changed tactic, went all peaceful and worked on a solution I could do alone. We are very similar praying for you Chris. Im sad and relieved Im not alone. He told me he wasnt working at the same place any more after his vacation, but his company would put him at another location. That when his employers are looking to make cuts why is he always the first to go. I feel like our lives have gone on hold since his redundancy and even with my above average salary, financially we are going backwards. From the sounds of it, youre young and have the time to learn a new field. In an ideal world, your partner would recognize the hot mess your household would be if you werent handling it all. Which had lead me to just shutting down. She makes most of their income while he takes care of the kids, cooks, cleans house and does all the yard work. How much longer do I wait before I can start living life for myself a little? He wont do anything. First I just want to thank everyone who has helped me feel so much less alone! I helped him walk through the process of getting a city job (which he has now), and now feeling less guilty over what his family has provided me because I paid him back in effort and energy I decided I didnt want to deal with this the rest of my life. You have to go through the court system to have him legally evicted. sometimes we all need friends to help us through the decision making process, everything our partners don t want us to do, afraid we will get stronger and not be guilty when we walk. Ive had people complain to me how as a single person they cant make it work on $50-$60K a year! I feel so trapped and alone most days. To top it off, he gets mad at me when i get home from working because I wont cook or do his laundry. Hard to pretend you are happy all the time. In the meantime, DO NOT give up! Make sure you have a copy of the lease as it stands he is a visitor and has no domicile rights.
What do you do when you can't rely on your spouse? ' My client felt both downtrodden and irate, at the same time. DEAR UNEQUAL MARRIAGE: It is really hard when people change the terms of an emotional partnership unilaterally. I think the thing that keeps me holding on is the fact that my husband cooks, cleans, and takes care of his own kids. I always dream If I were younger (now I am 40+)and no children I can start my new life easily and dont need to be struck in such situation. He was very nice and very attentive to me and always called me beautiful and brought me little gifts. Often, their emotional needs involuntarily get thrown aside because of the attitude that unemployment isnt happening to you, its happening to the unemployed. Both the unemployed and partners of unemployed vacillate on the spectrum between the hope for the day of the Great News (I start a new, real job on Monday and can help pay the bills now!) and fear that their savings will be sucked dry and theyll be forced to live in a shelteror worse, their parents house. We still have sex 2-3x/week but it used to be everyday and used to be much better. Usually has a capable hard working partner who look after him. I dont think as humans we were meant to constantly be exposed to the same people every minute-second-hour of the day. We dont have a ton of college educated people in our area, but apparently, now that doesnt help either. Hes not taking care of a sick mother, or disabled or injured. Gosh why does life get so complicated? It is not easy to keep up with home, family, kids, cooking, cleaning, laundry, dinners, chores, running around, budgeting, etcto begin with. Those of you in this type of situation need to take care of yourselves, because clearly the people around you are not. They live in another city, but because of my job I cant go, especially since its a great job and Ill have no guarantee that Ill ever find something as great. He is helpless and weak and I read my do despise those qualities. He expects me to cook him a full meal when he does get up and expects me to jump on him for sex every day. We found out I was pregnant 4 months ago I was a cocktail waitress so I recently had to quit I feel bad bc he has to pay all of my bills. I was so happy we had financial breathing room, and then he ate away at it. Ive been selling things. He traveled for year doing consulting work for 1 client. obviously this is a thing women are allowing men to do. My boyfriend moved in with me back in 2010; has held a bunch of jobs for not much more than 90 days. Dishes filling up the sink..and complains to me and the kids that no one does anything. When i was in class 6 in some accident i became a hearing imparied i have lost the ability to hear from my right ear. Im not in a position financially to throw $250 away in counseling without him making effort at the other requirements. You sound like you got your shit together and only want a smooth happy life! Have a harder shell. I still want a true job. He got quite a decent inheritance from his dads estate right before baby came so he quit the job he had to help with the baby. The most annoying thing is when he s got some money, he spend it on expensive wines.I am loosing the will to live. I dont know who you are or how things turned out for you, but everything you wrote here is me today. He chose to just run around to his various sporting pursuits, do the odd course and turn our two children into his personal performance sporting stars. But feel like im a doormat that he is using till something else comes along. But one mum has found herself struggling to cope as her partner is "so lazy" he refuses to lift a finger to help her around the house. I think we are all being used and abused.! I lost my job & my husband doesnt want to support my financial during my difficult time, Ive been looking for a job every single day but nothing so far!! I pray for God to send me a si gn for guidance and strength. I built myself into a career and have a very supportive work environment. It was difficult for me to get work as I am an migrant and dont speak English too fluent. he dont like me touching his cellphone, he feels i am spying on him. My husband has been unemployed for 4+ years. He have not held a job down for no longer than 6 months each year. With just my income we are struggling as is, let alone paying rent. I often think I should have left him early on, before kids, but how did I know? there is absolutely no reason a woman of 49 yr old women with a college degree cannot get a job doing something. Thats been well over a year now. Spiritual: Pray alone or with others. Maybe you could stay with family.like your mom until you can get your own place. Meanwhile, as men earn more, women spend less time . And, because I wasnt strong enough to get rid of him when there were red flags I stupidly signed a lease with him and now I am stuck supporting my ex-boyf who refuses to move out or pay his fair share. There is too much fluff and fairy floss around all this stuff, you know, relationships and love. Not enough black and white hard speak from us old battle ships broad sided on deep waters and left listing to limp home. Even thinking of leaving them now has me in tears I hate the doubt in my mind that he isnt trying hard enough.
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