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[email protected] (Mark W Fouraker) writes: Paddy Chayevsky's "The Tenth Man" contains several curses on daughters-in-law. Q: What's in Jimmy Dean's sausages? I unfortunately have not kept up with this particularfield, so can enlighten you no further.--, Craig Werner !philabs!aecom!werner "Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. . 1952? May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. -- -------------------------------------------------------------"they forcibly extracted the word 'but' from his vocabulary, and locked him in a room with 10 economists"-------------------------------------------------------------. The Question: Name a drink made up of 7-Up and prune juice. ", Conan O'Brien's Forehead Takes Over for Jay Leno's Chin. Related Topics. Carnac: May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your underpants. Q: What noise does Mr. McMahon's liver make? cleanup team? A: 50 miles per hour. I've often used Carnac in my work, pretending to be him, when confronted with the unknowable, the unanswerable, the irrational questions for which no reasonable responses are going to solve the problem. Story. "Oh, Ed: Often times, thats exactly what Clarnac gets. Q: What looks delicious, quivers all over and can't talk? by BMcCJ. Get Image May your prize bull hate cows. May the bird of paridise fly up your noseMay an elephant caress you with its toesMay your wife be plaqued with runners in her hoseMay the bird of paridise fly up your nose, Ron Williams (not Tom Nadas, but an incredible simulation)--, UUCP: {decvax,linus,ihnp4,uw-beaver,allegra,utzoo}!utcsri!tomCSNET: tom@toronto, "Look over there, a dry ice factory. Check the NSFW checkbox to enable not-safe-for-work images. "What do you want to avoid doing when you shave her bocker? The Question: Whats a great name for a proctologist? Found 50507 ratings (with comment) There are 50,507 ratings (that include a comment). The Answer: Dr. Ben Casey, Dr. James Kildaire, Dr. Doogie Howser, Dr. Marcus Welby, Granny Moses (Beverly Hills) and Dr. Anthony Fauci. Is that about right, sir? I hope it makes you laugh. Q: Who old do you have to be to date Princess Margaret? Prime Video. Q: What does your skalli do when it's happy? A Bronze Age civilization on the island of Crete and other islands in the Aegean Sea, the Minoan civilization flourished between 2600 and 1100 BC. , The Question: Name Nancy Pelosis favorite flavored fruit drink. The Question: How tall would Clarnac have to be for his current weight to be his ideal weight. Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your A: Stick 'em up! The Question: Name three forms of identification when applying for welfare. RMMD: And so the "Buck and Truck Cursed Swinger Saga" begins. Diary of a Mad Baseball Coach by Rick Clarke, (Original and slightly used comedy by Rick Clarke), I loved Johnny Carson and his character, Carnac the Magnificent. A: Ultra-conservative. Q: Name a spud, a stud and a dud. Another that I heard last night on the syndicated "Carson's Comedy Classics": "May the Swami of Baghdad squat on your fez", "May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister! May your children not forget you as they kneel to pray. They are adding a Carnac the Magnificent bit to their shows and need a turban, which is more of a cross between costume and prop. Paul Rosenzweig, George Washington University law professor and former deputy assistant secretary for policy in the Department of Homeland Security, told Yahoo News via email it reminded him of Johnny Carson's "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch "where he knows the . Clarnac: Get your mind out of the gutter. (Jews never kneel in prayer.). KeyCastr. The answer was always an outrageous pun. A: The Sugarland Express. ED: And now I hold in my hand the last envelope. The Question: What are Kim Kardashians measurements? Signed, the Honorable John V. Lindsay, Mayor, New York City." As part of that same bit, he held up a clam with a note attached that Q: Where will the president of NBC be working soon? I'm being held prisoner on a God-forsaken island! ED: Certainly worth waiting for Size: One SizeColor: Jumbo Gold/Purple Verified Purchase. A: The 11th Hour. Q: What should you answer to everything George Foreman QUESTION: Describe someone cleaning his Hoffman. lizard. Q: What do they call the entrance to "The Gong They've been kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnalls' porch since noon today. A: Jello and "Charlie's Angels." , The Question: What would a lot of people like to do to Lady Gaga? A: "The Front." CARNAC: May a crazed furniture refinisher stain your A: R-O-L-A-I-D-S. CARNAC: May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your Q: What does a president look for in a singles bar? I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. The Question: Name 8 things that will soften your brain. I forgot aboutyour total recall. A: Unleash. Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise She said, Why didnt you go around me?. May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. A: An unmarried woman. Along the theme of reverting curses, there is a fascinating mesorah (tradition) handed down from the Vilna Gaon (1720-1797) that all the curses that mankind was cursed after Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden, will be reverted and changed back to normal at the end of time, except for the curse of the Serpent, who represents the evil force of Amalek, and whose curse shall remain in place until his utter and total destruction. says? juice? Well, as it turns out, Parshas Balak starts off with this wicked king named Balak trying to get this wicked mystic named Bilaam to cast a curse upon the Jewish people. , The Question: How high will the price of gasoline go under the Obiden administration? Hand made. A: Shareholder. A: Crabgrass. Q: What do you get from eating in the NBC Commissary? Then, he would read the question: What does an alligator get on welfare? Some of the jokes were feeble, and McMahon used pauses after terrible puns and audience groans to make light of Carsons lack of comic success (Carnac must be used to quiet surroundings), prompting Carson to return an equal insult. The "Carnac the Magnificent" segments were always good for laughs, from the moment "Carnac" entered the studio and walked off in the wrong direction, then corrected himself only to trip on the step at the edge of the set at the beginning of every segment. Q: What should be posted on Howard Cosell's tongue? , The Question: Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were in Congress. May there be more than one of you to bear the mountain of misery and griefI wish upon you. The Question: What did comedian Richard Pryor do when his nose got too fat from snorting cocaine? A: Fit to be tied. I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. The Question: Name four traits you have to have to be president in 2022. work? QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare? Q: How much time has Governor Brown spent in California Some of his one liners:"A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou. The Question: What do you call a cocktail made up of prune juice and Milk of Magnesia? This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. his neck? 596 views, 2 upvotes, 1 comment. Actually, I have to admit reading it in the book "Superman: Last Son ofKrypton" (which is [very] loosely based on the movie) in which Lex Luthor(responding to the question "You told me your second favorite pastime.What's first?") Q: Name three people who like to bomb. A: "Follow the yellow brick road." envelopes. Q: When is the next RTD bus scheduled to arrive? A: Damnation Alley. ), These comedic missteps were an indication of Carnacs true prescient abilities. We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers. Adam and Eve had more problems than that forbidden apple. So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. The curses were basically middle eastern curses and would not be considered politically correct today. A: Baja. A: England, France and Greece. A: Green thumb. Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. A: Bible belt. Q: How did Marlon Perkins explain the rash on his thigh? The character was taken from Steve Allens essentially identical Answer Man segment, which Allen performed during his tenure as host ofThe Tonight Showin the 1950s. CARNAC: May a bag of Pop Rocks explode in your shorts. . (crowd cheers). One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. , The Question: What new rap tune has replaced Hail to the Chief as the presidents walk-up song? A: The Rock of Gibralter. Our users have written 2 comments and reviews about Carnac, and it has gotten 25 likes. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. A: Mr. Coffee. , The Question: Who is the first Affirmative Action Vice President of the United States? Q: What's an Orange County toothpaste? Q: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off? Carnac: May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bedpan. A: "Breaking Away" and "Here's Boomer." No more years! 5.0 out of 5 stars 2. Q: When will you get to work going 55 miles an hour? QUESTION: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. The Question: What is Kamala Harris strange path to the presidency? A: Pat and Debby Boone. a #2 mayonnaise The famous sage and soothsayer, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-omniscient, a weekend proctologist, and former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump. The Answer: I didnt think I had enough gas. "May Yule Gibbens eat your pine trees!" Q: What do you call an agreement with Don Rickles? A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. seen them before. Im Carnac had a trademark entrance in which he always turned the wrong direction when coming onstage and then tripped on the step up to Johnny Carsons desk during his 30-year run on the Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson (1962-1992). A: Bedbug. "carnac the magnificent" Memes & GIFs. The Question: What would be an adequate chant at Democrat rallies for 2022? In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as Carnac the Magnificent. Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the answers to questions that were sealed in an envelope. Paul? May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. juice? During one of his infamous animal interactions, Johnny Carson got up close and very personal with a Burmese python. A list of Carnac the Magnificent puns! 5 results for "carnac the magnificent" RESULTS. , The Question: Where do you go for a drive-through facelift? Welcome once again, O Great Sage. Johnny Carson Carnak The Magnificent One Liners, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un, Justin Bieber, & Dick Cheney Form Secret Super He-Man Poker Club, A List of 10 Little Known Facts About David Letterman, ABC Sends "Charlie's Angels" To That Big Cancelled TV Show Studio In The Sky, Joan Rivers on the 'Tonight Show': "I still got a chance! A: Old wives tale. Q: Name a Kristofferson. , The Question: What is the official state bird of Mississippi? Q: Name two words that have no meaning. Zippo? A: Zippo Marx. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. The Question: What was the third grade to Jackson councilman Kenny Stokes? "You Light Up My Life.". share. May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. Q: What would you see if Orson Welles dropped his pants? These jokes aren't mine, copyright on them is held by the Carnac the Magnificent. May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. A: "Oh God!" "Reading the contents of the envelope:"Name three things that have yeast. (Ben Dover) , The Question: What is Richard Schwartz fee if he collects for you? A: "Small craft warning!" Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? A: Kaiser wrap. Q: What will you get if you ignore a trucker's blockade? The Tonight Show: four-digit numbers (ostensibly the last four digits of an audience member's phone number).Carson Carnac the Magnificent: Carson plays a psychic . Houses of Prayer and Study, however, are with us always. Q: Name three things you won't find in Los Angeles. Q: Describe a double feature with Earthquake and The . Q: How do you spell kkkirsucla? , The Question: Who is the longest surviving member of the Japanese Air Force? . Ed: (Ed points to the nearest exit and hands Clarnac the first envelop and says) Envelop number 1. Clarnac doing verbal comedy bit for the hearing impaired. Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi? The Question: What instructions do you get when your proctologist used to be a photographer? One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. A: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign Q: Name an Eskimo porno film. A: The American people. . The Answer: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. Q: What would you find in Superman's bathroom? A: The ZIP Code. the memoirs of Richard Nixon. Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his A long running bit on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show.Carson would appear in a turban and cloak as "Carnac the Magnificent" . Q: What should the oil companies' new slogan be? Q: What will be written on the Happy Hooker's tombstone?
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